Archive for October, 2011

Five years after our first miscarriage: no fun family portraits

I can’t believe that it has been five years since our first miscarriage. Five freaking years. Unfortunately, there isn’t much positive to report. I wish I could tell you that God has miraculously provided us with a big and smiley family: maybe a little girl with bright blue eyes like her mom, or a young lad with massive over-biteĀ and a future in orthodontistĀ investment (like her father). But alas, you have husband and wife, my wife and me, nothing more. Five years gone. Four miscarriages. Zero healthy smiley kids making the happy family.

We haven’t even bothered to take a family photo in our eight years of marriage. What is the point? Nobody would want to see it. I sure wouldn’t. I know my parents wouldn’t. My wife’s parents definitely wouldn’t care to see it. I guess we’ve changed a little bit in the last few years, but there really is only one reason to get a family photo: people want to see how the kids have grown. They sure as heaven don’t want to see the same old couple getting grey hair and looking more and more lonesome year after year. Having family pics of just a couple, plastered on facebook would just beg the question, “Why don’t the __’s have a kid yet, there in there mid-thirties now, aren’t they? What is taking them so long?”

What do you think? (If anyone in cyberspace is actually looking at this.) Should a couple without kids get “family” pictures? I suppose since this blog is dedicated to loving our wives, I should be willing to do it if my wife ever has the desire. Whatever she needs to cope. But I highly doubt that we will ever want to do it.

Isn’t it funny the things you mourn when the reality of not having kids sets in more and more? For whatever reason, I really wanted to have a house with a 9 x 12 of us and the kids, updated yearly. That way each year we could look back on the years that had passed and how we had changed. Five years have passed since our first child died in my wife’s womb, and it’s looking more and more like this dream is gone.

Why is your dream gone, you ask (actually, you don’t ask, because nobody reads this blog)? Well, I’ll tell you in the next post. Right now I am not in the mood to write anymore. We’ve just gotten home from the hospital after my wife’s fourth miscarriage.

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