Archive for April, 2012
Well, a few months later, I suppose I am ready to give you all some more bad news. My wife just received news of a failed attempt at embryo transfers. What an awful weekend.
Let me back up to fill you in on how we got here. Our last doctor told us that the only options ahead for us are IVF cycles and surrogate mother. The latter options simply wasn’t for us, and we IVF sounded difficult, but intriguing. My wife was especially interested. If it was up to me, I would have thrown in the towel and moved on. It’s kind of like the minor league baseball player that turns 31 and is still playing single A ball. Why don’t you just go ahead and quit before someone makes you?
Four miscarriages is a nightmare and a half, especially spread out over five years. I really didn’t think we had the emotional energy to put ourselves back on another rack for more torture. But for my wife, even the most minute possibility of carrying a baby in her womb, and in her arms, caused her to want to try again.
We really only had one that we felt comfortable with: adopting embryos. Apparently, our own embryos have had chromosomal issues. So we went to a specialist, got some prices, signed on the dotted line, and moved forward. It was hard for me to accept the fact that I’ll never see my own face in the faces of my own kids. This was less challenging for my wife.
She received the donor embryo transfer about two weeks ago and the wait was excruciatingly painful. After a weekend of bleeding and wondering if the blood was a light period or simply light spotting due to embryo implantation, we did the blood work and got the call we dreaded this afternoon: not pregnant.
It sort of feels now like we are not a 31, but a 33 year minor league player, except we just experienced a year ending knee surgery. Who in their right mind would keep playing ball? At least that’s how I feel right now. Of course, the most important thing is be there for my wife and try and not stick my foot in my yapper for a bit. She might not be ready to give up just yet.