Every Time

How do you make do with the pain of losing a dream like having kids? How do you make it hurt less?

Every time you hear a birth announcement. Every time you watch your wife wince when some kicks an insensitive comment in her face. Every time someday else comes back from a miscarriage to have a healthy baby. Every time someone flips you off with a platitude. Every time a relative complains about her spoiled and ratty kids, or how tired they are (boo-hoo her). Every time your mother-in-law pushes you to adopt. Every time someone whines about his or her baby’s propensity to cry.  Every time God seems silent. Every time somebody else’s prayer gets answered. Every time someone tells you to “count your blessings” or “just believe.” Every time we must listen to the voices of the mob that are reeling in the throws of all the happiness they’ve got.

Every time.

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  1. #1 by elaaisa on June 6, 2013 - 8:39 am

    I don’t think there is a solution for this. I think time helps. And forcing yourself to remember what makes you feel good. For me for instance is being in the middle of nature. I go through phases where I really doubt I could live without ever having kids. Then something reminds me of the beauty in this world (flowers, woods…), and I think maybe I could. Maybe.

    • #2 by eph525 on June 14, 2013 - 5:31 am

      I do believe that time helps. I also love what you say about enjoying nature. The glory of nature is fantastic, isn’t it? It also helps to set other goals for yourself and keep yourself occupied with those goals. Really, to be honest, the other thing that keeps me going is my faith in God. I believe he is the author of other good gifts outside of the ones he wittholds, like nature, the joy I feel holding my wife’s hand or sharing a meaningful conversation with her, enjoying a good book, etc. Just because he hasn’t given me children doesn’t mean he doesn’t give me joy elsewhere. Ultimately, he has given me the peace to carry on and a bright hope for the future.

      • #3 by elaaisa on June 20, 2013 - 8:13 pm

        I really wish I had faith in God. I always wished that, even way before having all this infertility crap in my life. I grew up in a family of atheists and then went through a religius crisis in high school. I read all I could find about various religions and all and I was very motivated to find that faith. But I never really managed.
        I admire and respect people like you, like my grandmother. It just doesn’t seem to be something I can learn.

      • #4 by eph525 on September 3, 2013 - 8:27 pm

        Thanks for sharing. I’m sure being raised in a Christian family influenced my worldview and it sounds like being raised in an atheistic home was influencial for you as well. I suppose you already have read C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity? If not, you might enjoy the way he described his journey. Sometimes the way you write reminds me of him.

      • #5 by elaaisa on September 4, 2013 - 7:45 am

        I haven’t read it. Thanks, I’ll look for it! I’m intrigued now..

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