The worst news we could possibly receive came in the form of a positive pregnancy test two weeks ago. My wife is pregnant for the fifth time. This is horrible news, absolutely horrendous. It is the worst news we could have imagined. And it’s not because we have four kids and didn’t want this one, it’s because all the others died in my wife’s womb, and apart from a miracle, this one will to.
We figured something was up when on our 10-year anniversary cruise my wife could barely get up for the day’s activities. She was woozy, weak, needing frequent naps. Four days later, the typical 6-hour drive from Barcelona to Madrid stretched out to 8 hours, then 9, as we pulled over every 30 minutes for “bathroom stops.” Eventually, the violent stomach tossing and turning turned into the loss of every last ounce of liquid in her body–poor thing. It was at about hour 9 that I started to put the pieces together (I know, I know, it’s pathetic how slow I am.).
“Oh no, God! She’s pregnant!”
And, yes, she was, and still is, pregnant. A day after we arrived in Madrid, we bought the test, confirmed the pregnancy, and went to the emergency room for issues with dehydration. It took her 3 days on an IV to recover enough liquid and keep some food down to be able to come home.
So why am I devastated? It’s not just that each of those four other pregnancies were lost. It’s because every doctor had told us to stop trying because of chromosomal issues. It’s because now I am watching my wife get her hopes up and believe in miracles, and know that they eventually be dashed. It’s because she can’t naturally miscarry, and we will have to go through another expensive and uncomfortable experience of a DNC in Spain. It’s because my wife has incredible sickness and dehydration with every pregnancy, and this one is no different. It’s because even after the baby dies, her body keeps telling her she’s pregnant and she suffers. Worst of all, it’s because the emotional baggage will still be hanging around a year from now, or even longer.
I could go on, but I am already depressing myself and need to go to bed.
The irony is that we paid thousands and thousands of dollars for three healthy embryo transfers, timed perfectly to implant at just the right moment in my wife’s uterus. And they failed. A few months later, a misstep with our contraceptives and now this happens! We don’t even historically get pregnant that easy!