Posts Tagged Recurrent Miscarriages
So a little time has passed since the last time I wrote and I was waxing whiney about the fact that my wife was pregnant for the fifth time, how it’s almost certainly going to be another miscarriage, how emotionally damaging the last four have been on her, etc. etc. etc. I suppose it may have been over the top frustrated, but the outlet of an anonymous blog provides an infertile person like me the opportunity to not sugar coat this very real fiasco.
As we get a little further into the first trimester, I’m not really any more optimistic, but the shock has subsided and consequently I’m much calmer. At least as I write this update, sparks won’t be flying from the keyboard or curse words won’t be floating around in my head.
Here are a few observations that have jumped out at me in the early stages of the sage I’ve not so affectionately deemed: pregnancy cinco.
1. Our doctors are no longer acting like Richard Simmons when they talk about our pregnancy: chipper, peppy, slapping us on the back and giving us pep talks about how “todo va a salir muy bien, ya verás!” (“Everything’s going to work out just fine, you’ll see!”). Now we’ve finally found a doctor that has maintained professionalism and sobriety. She shoots straight, doesn’t speak in platitudes or give false hope. Last week, she calmly talked through the steps we would take at 12 weeks (if it’s even alive by then) to test for chromosomal abnormalities. Thank God, I think another Richard Simmons might have sent me off the edge. I’m not kidding.
2. Even though we try not to, we are getting our hopes up. How could you not? The little heartbeat you see on the eco doesn’t allow for anything less. That little grape or peanut or whatever size it is, is in fact a human life. And it is ALIVE right now in my wife’s womb.
3. My wife has never been this sick before. We’ve spent seven days of the last month in the hospital because of excessive vomiting and subsequent dehydration. One night my wife’s face was as pale as Casper the ghost. I had trouble looking at her.
4. I have nothing to complain about in comparison to my wife, but man I’m exhausted taking care of EVERYTHING. I really feel for families that go through cancer treatment. My wife’s been out of commission for weeks, but I can’t imagine what it’s like to live for months with your spouse out of commission.
5. If this pregnancy ends in another loss, I am going to vie for a vasectomy. Of course we’ll make the decision together and it’s super important I respect my wife’s desires, but I’m going to push pretty hard for it. Maybe others would keep going, but I really believe that 7 years, 30-40 + thousand dollars (not counting bills from psychologists), and the loss of our emotional sanity are enough. Enough’s enough. Sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand and move on.